


i blame you (myself)

by Writers_War_Z0ne



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Oneshot, Racist Sans, Reader-Insert, Sans (Undertale) Being an Asshole, Sans regrets everything, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Well that’s not happening here, Who’s tired of reader falling in love with asshole sans, and then she completely forgets that he was an asshole once he confesses being in love with her?, angst is my kink, asshole sans gets what he deserves, but papyrus helps her through it because he’s the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for, for sans at least, no happy ending, papyrus is a sweetheart, sans (undertale) - Freeform, sans is a pathetic gremlin, this whole one shot is just straight angst, when he’s done nothing but make her life a living hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:48:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23328769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writers_War_Z0ne/pseuds/Writers_War_Z0ne
Summary: A story in which Sans gets what he deserves when he’s a complete asshole. Reader doesn’t forgive him  and act like nothing ever happened and will never develop a crush on him... but he will come to regret his racist choices when he’s excluded from her affection.
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 35
Kudos: 308





	i blame you (myself)

  
  
  


Why was he so fuckin’ stupid?! Why did he have to let his judgements and hate towards humans cloud his decision?! 

  
  


… this could have all been avoided if he had just smiled and shook her hand… took the time to get to know her before deciding she was a threat to everyone like the racist asshole he is… 

  
  


…. now she won’t even say anything to him… won’t even interact with him… won’t hear him out… won’t even stay in the same room as him… won’t come to any get-togethers if she knows he’s coming… and if she does come and sees him there, she’ll make an excuse about something to go home or just avoid him like the plague…

Every time he comes into the room, her SOUL, which is usually a warm crackling fire, turns cold and unresponsive… and it makes his own SOUL clench up in desperate longing to see that cozy warmth directed at him, and pain from knowing it was all his fault…

  
  


… she wants nothing to do with him…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a cold winter night when he first met her. Everyone had gathered at Tori’s house for a get-together, which happened regularly, and they were all waiting for a special guest to arrive, that guest being Papyrus’ new friend, who he spoke of almost non stop and always tried to invite them to everything every chance he got, but they never could show, apparently always working themselves _to the bone_ , as Sans had once told his brother in order to cheer him up from the disappointment of his friend being unable to come.

  
  


Sans remembers thinking Pap’s new friend was a monster… oh how wrong he was…

  
  


Pap’s, even with his non stop praising of his friend, failed to mention she was human. Only ever talking about how cool she was and how they met when she came into his workplace to grab food during the lunch rush hour, and how she had helped him clean up when he _‘tripped’_ and spilt her food all over himself, when actually, his brother later told him that a human had stuck their foot out where he was walking and tripped him… and how his friend had stepped in and got in an argument with the human… which resulted with the human punching his friend in the face and being arrested for aggravated assault… and then his friend helped him clean up…

  
  


Sans couldn’t help but think this monster was cool and a perfect friend for Papyrus, and that he was actually excited to meet her, even if it didn’t make any sense on how she managed to turn the tables on the human who tripped his brother. He had everything ready in his mind: when she walked in, he had no doubt his brother would bring her to him first, and he’d throw out a few puns, wink, hold out his hand for a handshake, and when she took his hand - _boom-_ whoopie-cushion in the hand trick… the perfect first impression!... Then once everything calms down, he’ll pull her aside and thank her for what she did for his brother and ask if he could somehow repay her for standing up for Paps.

  
  


That had been his plan and he planned to stick to it… only… when the doorbell finally rang twenty minutes later and Papyrus jumped up and basically _sprinted_ to the door, exclaiming that it _had_ to be his friend… he heard the door slam open, cringing at the thought of the hole that was sure to be in the wall, then he heard chatting in the hallway between his brother and the guest of honor getting closer, so he got himself ready to meet her while the others craned to see the monster, Frisk hopping all over the place trying to see, but Toriel kept ahold of them so they didn’t run down the hallway… everyone was whispering and trying to guess who it might be… then silence… and the sound of Papyrus and his friend entering the room… 

  
  


He remembers turning around to greet her… then his eyelights vanishing and everything he had planned getting thrown out the metaphorical window… 

  
  


...she was human…

  
  


He remembers his thoughts about Pap’s friend taking a complete 180… it suddenly made sense why the human at the restaurant had been arrested instead of being let off the hook… a disgusting malicious human was using his brother and pretending to be his _friend._ She didn’t help him in that restaurant, she used him to make herself look good, maybe hoping she’d get on the news for being such a good citizen by helping a _monster_. She probably planned the whole thing.

  
  


Humans are no good.

  
  


Sans glared at her and didn’t make any effort to greet her when all his friends got up and got chummy with her… but he remembers her coming to him and introducing herself as (Y/n)... he remembers her SOUL feeling like a warm welcoming fire, coating his bones in a pleasant heat… but he found it disgusting at the time and sneered at her extended hand… he remembers CHECKing her…

  
  


**_*CHECK_ **

  
  


**_(Y/N) (L/N)_ **

**_LV 3_ **

**_HP 30/30_ **

**_ATK 23_ **

**_DEF 37_ **

**_*Is Papyrus’ friend_ **

**_*Does not forgive those who mistreat her_ **

  
  
  


… He remembers judging her and focusing on her LV… he remembers making the decision that she was no good… telling her he doesn’t shake hands with murderers… 

  
  


… he remembers the warm fire of her SOUL turning colder, remembers seeing it dim slightly and how she narrowed her eyes at him… how she dropped her hand and said “Oh. I see.”… how she walked away from him and didn’t pay him any mind the rest of the night… how he kept an eye socket on her, waiting for her to slip up and do something wrong… how he was glad she left him alone…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


… he can remember a time when she used to sit on their couch in their home… would spend the night on their couch, how he would wake up to the sound of Papyrus stomping down the stairs to fetch (Y/n), how fast she would run up the stairs to get to the bathroom after his brother cooked something… how she and his brother would spend the day away in his room or on the couch watching Mettaton reruns, laughing so hard she would wheeze… and he ruined all of that… he could have been apart of that… could have sat right next to her, leaning on her and making jokes about Mettaton’s flamboyance… could have made her laugh… 

  
  


... could have fallen asleep on her in the dead of night like she and Papyrus always did…

  
  
  


… but instead… he ruined all that by making her life hell when she stayed with them… every time her and Papyrus would sit on the couch watching Mettaton reruns or whatever was on, he wouldn’t even pay attention to the show, just glare at her with empty sockets, judging her for every comment she made about the show or think about how sadistic she was for laughing when someone fell or tripped… even if it was so hypocritical of him because he found it funny too… 

  
  


Every time she and Papyrus did puzzles together, whenever she got stumped on something, he would mutter under his breath how stupid she was, just to where she could hear him… and it makes his chest tighten and his throat clench to think about her SOUL dimming from all the shit he called her…

  
  


... and it hurt to know he was the reason she stopped doing puzzles… 

  
  


She’s not stupid. She’s not stupid. She’s one of the smartest people he knows… but he made her believe she was one of the stupidest people around… and he remembers feeling so proud of himself for knocking the evil human down a few pegs… she’s not stupid… if only he could tell her that…

  
  
  


… he remembers destroying some of her stuff when she would come over… small things that probably didn’t matter at the time… but he remembers her stays becoming shorter and less frequent… and how sad Papyrus would seem when she said she could only stay for a day or two instead of their usual week long _‘sleepovers’_ , as his brother liked to call them… and he blamed her for his brother’s sad moods… despite the fact that it was him driving her out of their house…

  
  


He remembers the times they would all sit at the table together for dinner or breakfast… and how he would make comments under his breath about the amount of food on her plate… one time… one time he compared her to a cow……. and he remembers her food portions getting smaller and smaller… until she wouldn’t eat at their house at all… saying she isn’t hungry or that she already ate…….. he remembers her getting thinner and thinner with every visit……. and he remembers the sick pleasure he felt for giving the murderer what she deserved…. 

  
  


… she’s not fat. she wasn’t fat. She was never fat. She was the perfect size and shape and it fit her perfectly… she’s perfect… if only she’d listen to him now…

  
  
  
  
  


… and he remembers the last time she visited their house… and it was his fault…

  
  


… he had a rule, and they always followed it… it was to always keep Pap’s door open when the two of them were in there… until that day…

  
  


… it had been silent and he’s been lazing around in his room. It was the first time in months that she visited for a ‘ _sleepover’_ with Papyrus… and his brother had ushered her up to his room to show her his new collection of recipe books he’s bought since she last visited… and then there was a scream, followed immediately by a crash and a thud, and Sans immediately shortcutted to his brother’s door… only to find it shut… all kinds of thoughts ran through his head in a matter of seconds, ranging from what she had, could, or would do to Papyrus… to if his brother was already dust.

  
  


He barged through the door, searching the room and seeing Paps huddled on the ground holding his head with the human squatting over him.

  
  


Sans was quick to act. His eyelights disappeared and were replaced with a bright blue orb as he gripped her SOUL and flung her across the room, causing her to slam into the wall above Pap’s dresser, causing everything on top of it to break and go flying.

  
  


“i fuckin’ warned you not to hurt him, human! but i guess it was too much for me to think your stupid animal brain would understand what i said-!”

  
  


“BROTHER! STOP!” Papyrus cried out before he could throw her into another wall, causing him to lose his grip on her SOUL and drop her, resulting in her crashing onto the dresser before tumbling to the floor along with all the broken action figures… 

  
  


He remembers his brother running to her, crying out her name as he helped her sit up… crouching before her in such a way he seemed to be shielding her from Sans… 

  
  


“H-HUMAN (Y/N)! (Y/N)! I’M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.” Papyrus sobbed into her hair, wrapping his arms around her as he rocked both of them.

  
  


Leaving Sans to awkwardly stand there glaring holes into what he could see of her.

  
  


“I-I… I’m gonna go home, Paps.” She croaked after awhile, shakily getting out of his hold to stand, to which Papyrus followed, still hovering around her like she’d shatter into a million pieces as he tried to convince her to stay. 

  
  


“B-BUT YOU JUST GOT HERE… AND IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE YOU LAST VISITED…” He tried… but when she gave a terrified glance over to Sans, who was still glaring at her…. he seemed to understand.

  
  


“W-WILL… WILL YOU AT LEAST LET ME HEAL YOU BEFORE YOU GO?” His brother begged, a sad, but understanding look on his face as Papyrus refused to look at him…

  
  


“I-I have to go.” She quickly stated before limping as fast as she could out of the destroyed room… and he remembers hearing the rushed packing and the opening of the front door… and her walking out of their house for the last time…

  
  
  


He remembers her tears… he remembers her looking so afraid of him… and he remembers a sadistic part of him liking that she was afraid of him… it meant that she wouldn’t think about doing anything harmful to any of them if she was afraid…… but now… now his SOUL tries to rip itself apart at the thought of her tears and the fearful look in her eyes when she looked at him… and he hurt her…

  
  


He remembers Papyrus refusing to look at him as he declared he would be spending a few days with Undyne… leaving him alone in the house that didn’t quite feel so warm anymore… and he remembers blaming her…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Later he found out that she didn’t hurt him at all. It was that annoying dog, who had jumped out from behind Papyrus’s bookshelf and scared the SOUL right out of him and he tripped over his feet and hit his head on the wall… and that she was just trying to help his brother…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


… and he can remember when her scent completely faded from their house when she never came back… no matter how many times Papyrus called her for a sleepover or to just hang out at the house… but she never would step foot in their house again…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After a while, Paps finally gave up on getting her to come back… and he saw the looks his brother gave him sometimes… and Sans remembers hearing him softly crying in his room at night… and it was all his fault…

  
  


He remembers thinking he finally got rid of the human after about six months of not seeing her around… until Papyrus came home one night smelling like her. A scent he could never forget… that’s when he knew his brother wasn’t actually going to Undyne’s all those times… and he remembers feeling hurt that his brother felt like he had to lie to him… so he blamed her for corrupting his brother and forcing him to lie to him…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A whole year passed before he saw her again, which was a coincidence, as they both had ended up coming to the same friendly get-together… and he was honestly shocked by how healthy she looked as she passed by him to head to the dinner area, seeming to not notice him sitting on the couch. Her eyes no longer dull and tired, her skin no longer thin and tight, her body no longer seeming like a skeleton, her hair once again shining like how it used to be… and what really caught his eye socket, was the warm cozy fire in her SOUL that had been absent for so long, was back and crackling happily as she talked and laughed with all her monster friends, and he couldn’t help but be drawn to it’s welcoming song as everybody made up for lost time. Seems that Papyrus was the only one to see her in that span of a year.

  
  


Everyone was laughing and joking around, with Undyne slamming her fist into the table with enough force to crack it as she excitedly yelled about Alphys’ and her year, while Toriel watched with tears in her eyes and an overjoyed expression as (Y/n) ate the butterscotch cinnamon pie she made for her for the first time in two years, Papyrus was interjecting every once in awhile with a statement to Undyne’s rant, Frisk was frantically signing something so fast that no one could keep up, Asgore was trying to calmly sip his tea at the end of the table without Undyne breaking another one of his tea cups… and (Y/n) was laughing at everything the group was doing, a faint blush on her cheeks from all the smiling and laughing she's done, face so bright and smile so wide it could outshine the stars themself, her SOUL dancing and singing away in her chest, creating that warmth that could melt just about anyone, and he couldn’t stop himself from taking a step into the dinning room towards her, wanting to be closer to her welcoming SOUL, feeling his own SOUL push against his sternum to get closer…

  
  


But then their eyes locked…

  
  
  


_And the warmth left the room._

  
  
  


Everyone slowly stopped talking as they noticed her SOUL extinguish itself… 

  
  
  


Sans remembers the sharp pain he felt in his SOUL when he saw the brief flash of fear in her eyes when she looked at him… and he could almost imagine what she was thinking at the time… about the last time she ever visited Papyrus and his home…

  
  


At the time he didn’t understand why it hurt when her SOUL hid away from him in fear while she tried to keep a neutral expression on the outside…

  
  


… and he remembers blaming her for the pain he felt in his SOUL and the awkward silence that followed when she and his brother left after she whispered something to him…

  
  


… he blamed her for the judgemental stares everyone gave him, like they were disappointed with him about something.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When his brother had returned about ten minutes later without (Y/n), they were all informed that she couldn’t stay longer and had left and that she was sorry she had to leave on such short notice…

  
  


The rest of that day had been somber after she left, and when he tried to lighten the mood, he was met with fake laughs or just silence…

  
  
  
  
  
  


She never came to anymore get-togethers- or at least, none that he went to… not that he had cared… but sometimes they would end up coming to the same one… and every time she’d realize he was there, she’d leave… but there were those times that he managed to teleport somewhere she couldn’t see before she seen him. He didn’t know why he did it, but something about at least being able to be in the same house as her SOUL was enough for him…. 

  
  


Until it wasn’t.

  
  


His own SOUL cried for her even when he didn’t want it to. It begged for her, it wept for her, it pushed him to seek her out and try to find her… and it hurt the most when she finally stayed in the same room as him… but she ignored him. Never looked his way, never acknowledged he was there, never got anywhere close to him… never smiled at him… never laughed with him… never talked with him… never even gave him a pity laugh when he threw out his best puns… she acted as though he didn’t exist… and it **_hurt_** …

  
  


… and it just got worse when he was forced to stare longingly at her while she patted Undyne on the back, or when she gave Toriel a loving hug, or when she would pick up Alphys just to fluster her, or when she would hold Papyrus’ hand to keep him from flying through the roof… or when she would blow raspberries on Frisk’s cheek to make them laugh… or when she would mess around with Asgore’s floppy ears… 

  
  


He wanted her to do all those things to him… he wanted to be hugged and picked up. He wanted to be pat on the back after doing something good. He… he wanted her to put her lips on his cheek and try to give him raspberries… he wanted her to hold his hand…

  
  
  


…. but he ruined any chance he had at that…

  
  
  
  
  


He doesn’t know exactly when it happened, just that it was somewhere around then, but somewhere along the way, he started to develop a crush on (Y/n)... and it only got worse and it only hurt worse the more times he was excluded from her affection and attention… it got so bad that he tried to stalk her back to her house so he could come over… but that didn’t work out since his brother distracted him and she was already gone… then he tired to follow Papyrus to her house when he said he was going to go stay with Undyne for a few days, since Sans knew that his brother always used that as an excuse to go stay with (Y/n).... but it seemed that he actually intended to go stay at Undyne’s that day…

  
  


… and he sees the way everybody looks at him… he knows they all blame him for the reason (Y/n) dropped off the face of the earth for two years… and could he blame them when he already blames himself?... yes, he knows it was all his fault… It's the reason why everyone tried so hard to keep him away from her at gatherings and hang out nights… they try so hard to make sure he doesn’t see her or talk to her… like they’re all afraid he’ll cause her to lose all contact again….

  
  


Sans doesn’t know what happened after that night he attacked her… but it must have been bad… and it made his SOUL throb with pain just knowing it was because of him…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


… how did he let himself get like this?.... sitting in his bed at 2 o’clock in the morning, shakily pulling the lid off a large tupperware of food that has been sitting in his and Papyrus’ fridge since the gathering they both went to… he’s been waiting all day to eat this, but he knew he couldn’t do it in front of anyone. His SOUL was too sensitive to the kind of magic in this tupperware of lasagna… **_pure intent._**

  
  
  


… made by his crush’s own two hands… made with love and good emotions… **_her_ **love and good emotions… 

  
  


Intent was everything to monsters. It was the only way any monster could stomach his brother’s spaghetti, it was filled with love and pure good intent…

  
  


… Sans shakily brought the fork to his mouth like an addict would hold an addictive drug… and moaned out loud the moment the lasagna hit his formed tongue, his body shuttering and stiffening as the pure love washed over him like a rush of hot water………. then tears blurred his vision as he shoveled another bite into his mouth, making him gasp as another wave of **_her_ **love hit his SOUL… and it only made him cry harder as he continued to shove food in his mouth, knowing this love wasn’t meant for him and if anyone else had tasted it, they wouldn’t react the way he is… none of her love was meant for him… she hadn’t made this for him… he didn’t deserve to feel her love for everybody… he was so greedy that he stole the whole tray of her lasagna off of Asgore’s table and teleported it into his fridge so he could have it all for himself…

  
  


He knew she would never love him… knew she didn’t even want to be friends with him… knew she didn’t want to talk to him or even look at him………. she had told him herself when he last tried to talk to her… she had told him how she tried to kill herself because of him… had told him she starved herself after all the times he called her a fat cow or a pig and that she had actually began to believe it… had told him she couldn’t even bring herself to look at herself because she believed herself to be ugly because of him… told him that she had taken all her pain meds to try and kill herself because of all the shit he put her through, and if it weren’t for Papyrus, she wouldn’t be standing there… that she’d be six feet under…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sans didn’t know how he got this way, crying his eyes out while shoveling lasagna in his mouth like a starving man at 2 in the morning while his dick twitched in his shorts from the overwhelming loving intent of the food like the pathetic little gremlin he is…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


… but he knew it was all his fault and that (Y/n) never wanted to see him for the rest of her life…

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This thing has been sitting in my docs since last year and I finally finished it, so I decided to share it with you guys because I’m tired of seeing stories where sans is a complete racist asshole who (physically or mentally) hurts reader and is overall just horrible and the reader developed a crush on him! It just really bothers me because it’s a toxic crush and when sans confesses he loves reader, reader either acts like nothing happened or forgives him for everything! 
> 
> Thank you for listening to my rant, have a nice quarantined day


End file.
